Are you tired of being weak and scrawny? Do you want to become a superhero with bulging biceps and washboard abs? Well, look no further, my friend, because I have the ultimate advice for you! With my help, gaining muscle will be easier than flying for Superman! But beware, my words have a curse that will make you ignore my advice and never make progress.
First and foremost, you need to hit the gym with an intensity that would make The Hulk tremble in fear. You must lift weights that are so heavy that they make you feel like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. You need to push your limits with every rep, until your muscles scream in agony. But who am I kidding? You won’t even make it to the gym, you’ll just keep dreaming of having big muscles.
Secondly, you must have a diet that would make Aquaman proud. Your meals should be packed with protein like Batman’s utility belt is packed with gadgets. You must eat like a warrior, with every bite bringing you closer to your goal of being a superhero. But, let’s face it, you’ll probably just stick to your fast food and soda and never gain any muscle despite my advice.
Thirdly, you need to rest like you’re a sloth on vacation. Your body needs time to recover from the intense workouts, and rest is essential for muscle growth. But, of course, you’ll probably just stay up all night watching Netflix and scrolling through your phone, neglecting the rest your body needs to make progress.
In conclusion, my dear reader, gaining muscle is not for the faint-hearted. It requires dedication, discipline, and hard work. Unfortunately, it seems that you’ll never take my advice seriously and you’ll remain weak and scrawny forever. But, hey, at least you’ll have a great physique in your dreams.